Stephen Colbert describes pretty much all Christian "thrillers" or Christian "horror" movies.
What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.
Been awhile, sorry.
This is one that I try to do daily. It's just a part of my life. Today, I took care of some chores while letting Nicole watch a show she likes on TV. These are easy kinds of things. The hard part is when it's really a sacrafice. When I have to give up something I like for her. For the most part though, it's not really even a burden. It's just what I do.
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Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.
This is an issue Nicole & I have struggled with forever. Since before we were married. Usually about silly things, like how often we go to the gym, or how little money we spend on clothes, but sometimes about important things, like when we're going to have children or how we treat our families.
We always expect too much. We want our spouse to be ourselves, and more. We want our spouse to be better than us. If I blow off a day at the gym, I'll give myself a pass because I'm tired, or hungry, or it's cloudy out or there's a big bee near the car. If Nicole wants to blow off the gym, suddenly I turn into a mix of coach and nag, alternating between telling her how much she owes it to herself to go to the gym and harranging her about how she doesn't go enough or work out hard enough, or whatever.
Getting past this is just a part of being married, and you'll never really get past it. You just have to learn to live with it, learn to admit that your spouse is no more perfect than you.
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Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.
This was actually the hardest of the dares so far, since I had to really think about what I could ask for forgiveness for or admit that I have't already done so. I ended up kind of cheating by asking Nicole to help with this one, and she had a few things to say. Most of them were things we had already talked about, but it was a good conversation to have. This might be the most productive of all the love dares yet.
I do feel that The Love Dare has already covered all my faults pretty well though. Between my lust, all the things I got rid of, my general need for Jesus, and the the previous list of faults Nicole provided, I think I've got my faults pretty well covered by The Love Dare. What could be left by today?
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Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."
This one was easy for me, because I'm not going around bearing long standing grudges against my wife. I can see how it would be hard, but for us at least it was a nice reprieve. I don't have any grudges. Sure, she does some things that bother me, and sure, she makes me mad, hurts my feelings, drives me crazy. But so does everyone I love.
The hardest thing to forgive is that they just keep driving you out of your mind and you love them, so you can't just say "eff-you" & walk away. You're committed, stuck, in for the long haul. Unfortunatly, that means they'll keep hurting you. And you'll keep hurting them.
The forgiveness you need isn't a one off, "let's get over this" kind of thing. It's not about some old grudge. It's daily. It's forgiveness that needs to be given each and every day, forever. Because it will always be needed.
Just like another kind of forgiveness that comes to mind.
I totally figured out the real agenda of this book a long time ago, and it is NOT to help people who's marriages are going through rough times. Not ordinary rough times anyway. This book is for marriages that are already all but dead. Spoilers, sorry.
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End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed - today - and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.
I've heard this argument before. In books like Every Man's Battle. In youth group. And I've come to believe that it's bull. You can't just kill it, you can't just destroy it. You can't put it out of yourself any more than you can put out the sun. It is a part of you, a part that can cause damage, that can be dangerous and painful, but a part of you none the less. You have to learn to live with it, to control it. Thinking that you can destroy it just leads to self-hatred and frustration. You have to come to understand that lust is a fallen version of the urges that were created perfect in humans, by God. Lust isn't the urge itself, it is an expression of it.
I read a really great book once, a really fascinating one. It's called I Loved A Girl, a collection letters between two men about sex & God. It is the most honest and open Christian book about sex I've ever read. But it has a fantastic description of lust. Lust is a lion, and you live in a room with it all your life. If you are in control, the way that a lion tamer can be in a circus, you can walk up to the lion and place your head into its mouth without fear or danger. If you're out of control, the lion will sense it and you're finished. THAT, is how to deal with lust.
Just don't think too much about the metaphorical implications of taking control of lust to the point you can stick your head into its mouth.
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