Tuesday, October 2, 2007

The Most Historical Post of All Time

Another slow news week. Nothing really to report, at least nothing I'm interested in reporting. Yet another Noah's Ark movie(apart from Evan Almighty, Darren Aronofsky's proposed sci-fi take and the other animated one from the people making that awful looking Ten Commandments CGI). This one is told from the point of view of the animals. Blah. Who cares? This has been done before(Fantasia 2000, Madagascar was similar as was The Wild). Unless it features dragons biting the heads off mermaids(Robot Chicken) then I'm not interested in more talking animals.

Uh, what else? Two movies about the adolescent years of Jesus. One is a supremely boring looking documentary called Jesus: The Lost Years. It traces the "most historical journey of all time"(WTF does that even mean?) from Palestine to Egypt. The preview talks of Jesus doing miracles in Egypt and founding churches, you know, all the stuff that was cut out of the Bible by the council of Nicaea in order to cover up the evidence of alien landings in New Mombassa. Or something.

The other is called The Aquarian Gospel, about Jesus's years from 13-30. A lot of the same territory that Ann Rice covered in her no-longer-going-to-be-a-film Christ The Lord. I've heard Rice's book is good literature and not bad theology, so I guess there is some potential here. However, it should be noted that The Aquarian Gospel is directed by the guy who directed The Secret movie, which is one of the most anti-Christian and anti-intelligence projects to be shoved into popularity through Oprah and good marketing.

There is a part of me that wants the "lost" years of Jesus to be some kind of Kung Fu meets Highlander, where Jesus wanders the earth, learns martial arts, fights bad guys and the occasional dragon. Basically Samurai Jack with a few people raised from the dead. Or something close in tone to Xena, with Jesus meeting everyone from Abraham to Emperor Caligula(Xena actually did all that).

Or we could go the modern route like Mark Millar's Chosen(source of the picture), except that has a killer twist at the end, which, for me, brought the whole sacrilegious nature of the project full circle and it actually made sense.

I have a podcast to recommend, but I'll save that for tomorrow.

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