Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Love Dare Part 25: Letting Go

Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today.  Let it go.  Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well.  Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long.  Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."
This one was easy for me, because I'm not going around bearing long standing grudges against my wife.  I can see how it would be hard, but for us at least it was a nice reprieve.  I don't have any grudges.  Sure, she does some things that bother me, and sure, she makes me mad, hurts my feelings, drives me crazy.  But so does everyone I love.

The hardest thing to forgive is that they just keep driving you out of your mind and you love them, so you can't just say "eff-you" & walk away.  You're committed, stuck, in for the long haul.  Unfortunatly, that means they'll keep hurting you.  And you'll keep hurting them.

The forgiveness you need isn't a one off, "let's get over this" kind of thing.  It's not about some old grudge.  It's daily.  It's forgiveness that needs to be given each and every day, forever.  Because it will always be needed.

Just like another kind of forgiveness that comes to mind.

I totally figured out the real agenda of this book a long time ago, and it is NOT to help people who's marriages are going through rough times.  Not ordinary rough times anyway.  This book is for marriages that are already all but dead.  Spoilers, sorry.

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Monday, February 22, 2010

The Love Dare Part 24: Every Man's Battle(give me a break)

End it now.  Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it.  Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it.  Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom.  It must be killed and destroyed - today - and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

I've heard this argument before.  In books like Every Man's Battle.  In youth group.  And I've come to believe that it's bull.  You can't just kill it, you can't just destroy it.  You can't put it out of yourself any more than you can put out the sun.  It is a part of you, a part that can cause damage, that can be dangerous and painful, but a part of you none the less.  You have to learn to live with it, to control it.  Thinking that you can destroy it just leads to self-hatred and frustration.  You have to come to understand that lust is a fallen version of the urges that were created perfect in humans, by God.  Lust isn't the urge itself, it is an expression of it.

I read a really great book once, a really fascinating one.  It's called I Loved A Girl, a collection letters between two men about sex & God.  It is the most honest and open Christian book about sex I've ever read.  But it has a fantastic description of lust.  Lust is a lion, and you live in a room with it all your life.  If you are in control, the way that a lion tamer can be in a circus, you can walk up to the lion and place your head into its mouth without fear or danger.  If you're out of control, the lion will sense it and you're finished.  THAT, is how to deal with lust.

Just don't think too much about the metaphorical implications of taking control of lust to the point you can stick your head into its mouth.

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Monday, February 15, 2010

The Love Dare Part 23: Goodbye Lenin

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.


I'm not sure what to get rid of here.  I've already cut out most things that were really keeping Nicole & I from talking to each other.  We have just one computer, we don't have cable, we eat dinner together every night.  The biggest things that keep us apart these days is the fact that our work schedules don't always line up.  There are always some things that I could get rid of, but I can't think of anything that is hindering Nicole & I.  Any suggestions?  


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Friday, February 12, 2010

The Love Dare Part 22: One more time

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in recieving it. Say to them today in words similar to there, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."
Another easy one, even if Nicole looked at me strangely when I said this. She asked me why I would love her if she didn't love me. Don't know exactly. I guess at this point in our relationship I don't have much choice. I've invested too much. If it was only a few weeks into our relationship and I said I love you and she said she didn't, then I'd have to be a fool for sticking around. Even now, I guess I'd be kind of a fool if she straight up told me she didn't love me. Maybe marriage is looking like a fool some of the time.
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Monday, February 8, 2010

The Love Dare Part 21: Bible Time

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thiry-one - a full month's supply), or readin a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.
Today's dare reveals a pattern in the second half of the book. These dares are more about you than your spouse. I think I figured out the pattern of this book a while back, and it's now being confirmed. The pattern is genius really. I'll reveal the whole tapestry when I finish the book, but until then I'll keep going. I picked Proverbs, and started reading chapter 1. I haven't read through Proverbs since, probably high school I guess. Those little nuggets of wisdom aren't that compelling reading once you know most of them. However, I did not a couple of neat things that I had forgotten.
The first is "wisdom," a female embodiment who speaks in the second half of chapter one, is a vindictive woman. She says that because the fools didn't listen to her she'll laugh at their disaster and mock them in calamity. I wonder if some Christians take this verse too seriously. Or if they equate themselves with wisdom.
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Friday, February 5, 2010

The Love Dare Part 20: Well...

Dare to take God at His Word.  Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation.  Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner.  But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection.  Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace."


I'm not even going to go into this.  The author's follow up the outright altar call of Chapter 19 with a dare to say the sinner's prayer.  This dare was left out of the movie Fireproof, but it makes a lot of sense.  For some reason doing the Love Dare caused Kirk Cameron's character to become a Christian.  I never, in a million years, would have guessed that it was because the book dared him to.  I have no idea how to respond to this, and it's taking everything I have not to peek ahead and see if I should just stop now.

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